u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
