After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
