we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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