he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
