Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
