Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
