What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
