so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
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I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
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i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
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Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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