So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
