I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
