today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
