Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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