She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
