My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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