Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
