turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize