Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
