I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Randomize
