At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
