he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
