apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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