i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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