I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
