Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The air was thick with penises
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
