it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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