Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
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I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
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fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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