at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
