Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
