Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
