I'm jealous of your bromance
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
