I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
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He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
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Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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