I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My hand turned me down
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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