Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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