My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
