I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
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you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
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who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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