You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
