Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The air was thick with penises
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize