Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize