tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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