He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
