I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
