I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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