In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
