You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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