I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
