hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
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Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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