I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
