So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
