I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
