The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
