You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Drunk is not a location!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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