i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Your cock deserves a montage
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
