You're so nebulous sometimes
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
