Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
