Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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