we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
