Define "chronic" masturbator.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
