How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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