I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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