So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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