I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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