the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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