She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
