May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
