I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
