We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
