I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
