Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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