Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
