taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
