just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
