Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Houston, we have a blender
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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