I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Send help, water and tortillas.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
