Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Drunk is a universal language darling
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
