while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
