i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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