Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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