1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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