Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
