i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
