if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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