i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have fence marks all over my body
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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