I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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