I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
