The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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