Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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