WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
