I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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