he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
