Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
